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Not so long ago we went on a little trip.

A particular highlight was getting to play around with a cage.

This particular sub didn’t know she enjoyed cages until a couple of months ago. We were at a play party, she had just had a sound beating from DarlingEvil and I. As we were walking around taking in the sights she spied a cage and asked (rather excitedly) if she could be get in.

Why would I ever decline such a request?

She climbed in, got comfortable, and we proceeded to play a little. I teased her clit, tweaked her nipples (pulling at the barbells until I heard a satisfactory “fuck!”) A small group gathered around to watch.

Since she was having a difficult time keeping her hands off herself, I took her wrists and invited the observers to take their liberties.

DE and I have decided that a cage is a must for our collection. We’re slowly

gathering, building, deciding, buying our Dungeon Furniture. A future post

will address this, but in the meantime what are some of your favorites?

Spank Happens

It was a great party. Some drink, a lot of good friends, some new friends and a deep, sexual vibe. The overall theme was a social Swingers gathering and never involved a lot play. Didn’t really matter, anyone watching got an eyeful of whatever they wanted just by wandering.

DarlingEvil and I are known for out kink – we don’t hide it…much. Some run screaming, most ask questions, others seek us out…wanting. A group of us began discussing some finer points of kink. A small crowd gathered, a bench appeared.

Next thing? DE was on the bench and I was spanking her in front of a “Vanilla” crowd.

The reactions were interesting…but damn! It was fun, fun times.

-Tutivillus

From Rinella:

“…You see, one of those other things we don’t teach very well in SM 101 is the art of empathy, “the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.” It’s unfortunate that we don’t, since being empathetic is one of the hallmarks of the very best players among us. Empathy brings us two rewards: first it allows us to experience what the other is experiencing, secondly it gives us the ability to more fully relate to our partner, improves our communication skills, and leads to more mutually satisfying scenes and relationships…”

Empathy folks.  Do YOU have it?

I was a contributor for Love Is A Cunt a while back. This originally appeared there and is reposted now because it just suits my mood. Hehehe.

Rain Drama

“Alright.  See this?”  I said waving the black cylinder.  It’s silver key chain caught the rain light in a rather pretty way.

She stared out the window like a stubborn cow, arms folded, chest heaving.  Her black top stretched and relaxed like an alien thing.

“It’s mace.  I’m going to spay it at you if you don’t get out of my car.”  I said in a very calm, very even, very non-threatening way.  I glanced down at my neato little voice recorder…just to make sure it was sucking in every word of this pleasant little encounter.

“You can’t do that!”  She grated.  Still staring out the window.  The shadows of rain on her face made it look like her make-up was melting.

I shook my head, a drop of water fell to my shirt, spread and lost its immediacy.

“Yes.  Yes I can.  This car is actually private property and I have asked you to leave it.  You have refused and short of putting a boot to your ass and forcing you out!”  I heard my voice rise, “I must resort to the mace.”

She hunkered further down in the seat, brows furrowing in childish contempt.

“I’m not leaving.”  She stated in a small voice.

I laughed.  I actually laughed.

“It’s behavior like this that made our date end up where it is!”  I said, waving my hands, waving the mace can.

For the first time she turned to look at me.  Her mouth and face began to form words.  I pointed the mace at them, silencing her.

“You are *NOT* a princess!  You are *NOT* some self-entitled, self-empowered *QUEEN* of all things!”

She stiffened.  Even in the filtered light I could see her turning red.

“You are a human being, just like me!  You deserve respect, just like me!  You should treat people with respect, but you don’t!  All night you have treated me like a servant and a lesser being.  Like it has been a, a…*Privilege* to be in your presence!”

I took a breath…this was pissing me off all over again.

“And when I get sick of it and drop you off here, where there are cabs *aplenty*!  You grow roots out of your ass and refuse to get out of my car and tell ME to leave!  ME!  Leave my own car!”

She spun on me.

“I’m not takin’ no fuckin’ cab home asshole!  You take the cab and pick your nappy-ass ride up in the morning!”

I shook my head again.

“See!  Talk like that is what got you into cab-space to begin with!  I would have been happy to just take you home.  But hey!  You got abusive.  Nope…no ride for you.  Now get out of my car or get maced!”

It was her turn to laugh.

“I’ll just call the police and tell them you tried to rape me.”

I smiled, reached down and picked up my voice recorder.  It’s a tiny thing I carry around to capture those run-away writer thoughts.

“This whole conversation has been recorded my dear.”  I said, right into the mic.  “Try it and you’ll be in so much shit that flies’ll be callin’ you bitch.”

There was a mighty flurry of curse and swear after that.  She said things to me that I hadn’t even heard.  I haven’t even been able to transcribe them yet they’re so foul!

In the midst of this, I pulled the can of mace even, flipped the cap over let my finger fall…

…she squealed, swore and bailed.

Never saw, never heard from the princess again.

-Tutivillus.

Safeword: A word, phrase or signal the participants agree on which has the meaning of a stop sign – all BDSM play has to stop immediately when this signal is given.

Some feel having a safe word goes against their agreement to submit. I can only pull from my experience–which is not much in the grand scheme of BDSM play–I have a safe word. I decided on it the first time we played. I said it the first time we played..and I was embarrassed. The safe word is important to me in that it may not be the pain I necessarily need to stop, but the underlying emotions that are brought out. I need to stop the external stimuli and look at what has occurred…what thoughts, feelings, images, memories. If anyone else has experienced this, you know that it is powerful, especially if it is negative. In order to move on, it has to be worked through. There are still some activities we have not done again because of the strong reaction.

Back to safe wording….some use “yellow, red “, meaning caution and then stop. I picked a word that has no business being said during play, that has no meaning to the situation other than what it is.

In the future maybe I won’t have a safeword, but for now I will have mine with pepperoni.

*DE*

It’s kinda funny, really.

I look, hear, read, watch all these things and get the words on Men and their Sex.  I honestly do laugh at most of it, because people prime men down to “so simple”.

In reality?  We’re not.  We’re simply trying to put a puzzle together.

Ever want to make yourself COMPLETELY memorable to a man?  Want to make him lust you and crush after you in wanton ways?

Tell him what you like, as he’s moving through your flesh.
Whisper to him…tell him to touch you.  Let him know where to touch you, how to touch you.

Move his hands to *where* you want to be touched.

Give him *just* enough clue to figure it out for himself…then let him take you with it.

THAT will drive any man insane with lust and want.  Be bold and fearless in it.

Take charge, then hand over the control…and let go.

**An earlier post from another place**

captive (pic by DarlingEvil)

The negotiations officially began yesterday.

DarlingEvil found a submissive for me to dominate (physically and sexually). For those of you not following here’s the situation.

DE has a fantasy of watching me Dominate a submissive. She’s always been in this from the role of submissive, but she wants to observe. I fully admit there are certain activities I enjoy that Trix does not and there are times where I have a hard time crossing the line into full Dom mode with her, because she is my partner, lover, best friend, etc.

Yesterday, she approached someone about it. An experienced sub who is also somewhat of a pain-slut. I IM’d her last night and began the negotiations.

We agreed on a mutual trust level.
We discussed time and place.
We began running over some of what was to be done in the scene: Humiliation, bondage (light to heavy), spanking, flogging, waxing, breath-play, clamps, sensory deprivation and other activities of my choice.

I pretty much have a blank check on this one. DE sat next to me and made the suggestion that she would like to see needle play performed on both our sub and her. I agreed that would be a great idea. I’ve not done much needle play, and I know this will be particularly effective with our sub.

Other plans and ideas began to formulate in my head, of which I am putting into action now…need to do some shopping.

So, why barely legal? Well, this sub crosses the taboo line for most people I know, and to be honest, I was a little surprised when DE approached her, and a little surprised when our sub agreed.

She’s one of my ex wives.

Perhaps I am Old School in this regard. Perhaps I have lost the memo announcing “the race”.

Are people in the BDSM lifestyle losing the willingness/desire to negotiate? It’s important! A key to building trust and learning about what will be done during a Scene. It’s how a Dom finds what the sub is looking for and allows them to key in and tweak those needs.

Dom: (let me know if *any* of these questions make you uncomfortable)
sub: Yes.
Dom: Safe words work here too!
sub: Thanks.
sub: I’m not uncomfortable.
Dom: Okay. Respect is key.
sub: Understood.
Dom: Humiliation during a scene?
sub: Not really. It’s not something I’m comfortable with right now.
Dom: Got it, we’ll put that on the “Soft Limits” list.

It’s also important to note this…Negotiation is where a scene begins. It’s an Art. Skillful negotiation by a Dom can show their ability to take control. Skillful negotiation by a sub can show their ability to keep control and surrender when they see the situation fitting their comfort level and desires.

I am a firm believer in this. If you’re not doing it (especially in the begining of a D/s “relationship”) then you’re only asking for troubles.

-Tutivillus

Start with the drinks. The conversation, the music. Some light snacks. Looks play from eye to eye, transmissions of play – raw sexuality.

It’s an agreement made softly, wordlessly. At some point a comfort level is reached and some utters the words. The laughter, the eyes flashing – smiling. We step into the bedroom.

We’re naked.

I watch you move to the bed with him. I feel the smile curve my lips. Seeing you with other men, other women, it twists me so well inside. I want.

I move to her, and we begin.

The four of us on the bed, touching, tasting, fucking.

Gasps, laughs, moans and orgasms. The sound of you in the other room, your voice pitching up as he moves inside you. Seeing her sitting over your face, playing with your nipples as your tongue worked her clit.

You touched her as I fucked her. I felt your nails scratching into my skin…biting deep and leaving marks.

When we came home I watched you in the dark, listened to you falling asleep.
Holding your hand.
Being so in love with you as I drifted into the black.

-Tutivillus

Sorry about that. During a switch of Hosting Providers there was a bit of a snafu.

It’s all fixed now. You should see us back faster and better than ever now.