I was a contributor for Love Is A Cunt a while back. This originally appeared there and is reposted now because it just suits my mood. Hehehe.
Rain Drama
“Alright. See this?” I said waving the black cylinder. It’s silver key chain caught the rain light in a rather pretty way.
She stared out the window like a stubborn cow, arms folded, chest heaving. Her black top stretched and relaxed like an alien thing.
“It’s mace. I’m going to spay it at you if you don’t get out of my car.” I said in a very calm, very even, very non-threatening way. I glanced down at my neato little voice recorder…just to make sure it was sucking in every word of this pleasant little encounter.
“You can’t do that!” She grated. Still staring out the window. The shadows of rain on her face made it look like her make-up was melting.
I shook my head, a drop of water fell to my shirt, spread and lost its immediacy.
“Yes. Yes I can. This car is actually private property and I have asked you to leave it. You have refused and short of putting a boot to your ass and forcing you out!” I heard my voice rise, “I must resort to the mace.”
She hunkered further down in the seat, brows furrowing in childish contempt.
“I’m not leaving.” She stated in a small voice.
I laughed. I actually laughed.
“It’s behavior like this that made our date end up where it is!” I said, waving my hands, waving the mace can.
For the first time she turned to look at me. Her mouth and face began to form words. I pointed the mace at them, silencing her.
“You are *NOT* a princess! You are *NOT* some self-entitled, self-empowered *QUEEN* of all things!”
She stiffened. Even in the filtered light I could see her turning red.
“You are a human being, just like me! You deserve respect, just like me! You should treat people with respect, but you don’t! All night you have treated me like a servant and a lesser being. Like it has been a, a…*Privilege* to be in your presence!”
I took a breath…this was pissing me off all over again.
“And when I get sick of it and drop you off here, where there are cabs *aplenty*! You grow roots out of your ass and refuse to get out of my car and tell ME to leave! ME! Leave my own car!”
She spun on me.
“I’m not takin’ no fuckin’ cab home asshole! You take the cab and pick your nappy-ass ride up in the morning!”
I shook my head again.
“See! Talk like that is what got you into cab-space to begin with! I would have been happy to just take you home. But hey! You got abusive. Nope…no ride for you. Now get out of my car or get maced!”
It was her turn to laugh.
“I’ll just call the police and tell them you tried to rape me.”
I smiled, reached down and picked up my voice recorder. It’s a tiny thing I carry around to capture those run-away writer thoughts.
“This whole conversation has been recorded my dear.” I said, right into the mic. “Try it and you’ll be in so much shit that flies’ll be callin’ you bitch.”
There was a mighty flurry of curse and swear after that. She said things to me that I hadn’t even heard. I haven’t even been able to transcribe them yet they’re so foul!
In the midst of this, I pulled the can of mace even, flipped the cap over let my finger fall…
…she squealed, swore and bailed.
Never saw, never heard from the princess again.
-Tutivillus.
