What Defines an Open Relationship in BDSM?
to hell with monogamy
What makes an Open relationship in BDSM?
I asked this question on FriendFeed yesterday and got a fairly typical response. It was simply a response from a fairly “vanilla” audience. So I ask a more “Kink-centric” audience the question.
When do you consider a relationship “Open”?
- Is it the act of letting go of your partner while they play in a Scene with another?
- Is it you or your partner participating in the various acts of sex in all it’s various and wonderful forms with another?
I’m not talking about Polyamory. I’m addressing the concept of Open relationships. Engaging in Play (provide your own definition of that word) without the additional attachment you find in Poly situations.
Thoughts?
I don't think of an open relationship as being about free love for all. To me that's polyamory (and yes I'm still wrapping my head around aspects of that too).
To me an open relationship is about being honest with your partner before you do something with another, be it a scene or sex. I list myself as being in an open relationship with my partner, and use that as an opening when someone asks us what it means.
To me it means being open to the possibility of another person (or more) joining and playing with us. I know there are people who may consider this swinging to an extent, but to me that additional energy doesn't have to include sex to be fun. I'm not looking for a stable of women, my partner isn't looking for additional men.
It allows discussion about relationships outside the primary, and who says either of us have to act on the agreement we have anyway? It's about choice and respect.
*Ditto* To what Gamer said.
Communication, honesty and personal integrity are keys to making an open relationship work.
As soon as something is hidden from another, this trashes the meaning of an “Open” Relation. IMHO
Not looking for a stable of women? WHAT???
Oh…Gamer. All my teachings…gone to waste!
I didn't say “Look for a STABLE WOMAN” (which you found)…I said “STABLE of
Women!!”
Gah…alright. Time for a new apprentice.
Tutivillus
——————————
Call Us! *951.GOT.KINK*
Podcast: Episode 8: Blood, Sex and
Addiction<http://www.dungeonplace.com/cast/dungeonplace_podcast-ep8.mp3>
Web: http://www.dungeonplace.com
Communication is the key to any and EVERY relationship, regardless of its
designation. So many of us forget that. We're so afraid to Talk to our
partners. So afraid to tell them what we want, what we need, what we desire
and dream, fear and have to say.
In the end (and I say this from experience) it is communication (and the
lack of it) that makes or breaks almost all relationships.
If you choose to Open a relationship? You had better be talking long before
the conversation even becomes a thought in your head!
Tutivillus
——————————
Call Us! *951.GOT.KINK*
Podcast: Episode 8: Blood, Sex and
Addiction<http://www.dungeonplace.com/cast/dungeonplace_podcast-ep8.mp3>
Web: http://www.dungeonplace.com
Without openness and honesty there can be no trust. Without trust there is no relationship.
It matters little what form the relationship takes. Without honesty, openness and communication it will be doomed to failure. I would propose that this is true in ALL relationships no matter what level of intimacy or what nature. Once trust is breached it is all over but the crying. That can be said of employer/employee, mother/child, husband/wife, lover/partner.
What I really hate are those people who lack the ability to be honest with what they want or who they are. They change their opinion to match whatever the current group wants to hear. They change what they want depending on whatever wind blows up their ass at the time. I have a very difficult time trusting such wafflers. I mean will the real person stand up? How can you trust someone when they don't have the guts to tell you what they really think or they don't know what they really want? I have found such individuals to be petty, jealous with tendencies to envy. Since they don't have the guts to stand up for who they are, they typically have to attempt to put down those of us who do….often behind our backs.
Having the courage to be honest, first with yourself then with others is essential for making and keeping healthy relationships whether superficial or of a more intimate nature.
Without openness and honesty there can be no trust. Without trust there is no relationship.
It matters little what form the relationship takes. Without honesty, openness and communication it will be doomed to failure. I would propose that this is true in ALL relationships no matter what level of intimacy or what nature. Once trust is breached it is all over but the crying. That can be said of employer/employee, mother/child, husband/wife, lover/partner.
What I really hate are those people who lack the ability to be honest with what they want or who they are. They change their opinion to match whatever the current group wants to hear. They change what they want depending on whatever wind blows up their ass at the time. I have a very difficult time trusting such wafflers. I mean will the real person stand up? How can you trust someone when they don't have the guts to tell you what they really think or they don't know what they really want? I have found such individuals to be petty, jealous with tendencies to envy. Since they don't have the guts to stand up for who they are, they typically have to attempt to put down those of us who do….often behind our backs.
Having the courage to be honest, first with yourself then with others is essential for making and keeping healthy relationships whether superficial or of a more intimate nature.