Should I Warn Them?

Tutivillus

Our readers send in some great questions, here’s a great example.

“I was at a party with a mixed crowd or swings and vanillas when I noticed someone from the BDSM world getting every phone number he could. I didn’t pay much attention until he focused on a friend. This worried me since I know this person is regarded as an “unsafe” player in several BDSM circles. At my first opportunity I pulled my friend and her husband aside and just said to be careful of this guy, he wasn’t the safest choice in the room. No other details, none needed.

I guess my question is, was this a good move? Is it our responsibility to warn our friends from one circle about bad players from another circle?” -MZ

My thoughts?

It would depend on how much potential drama you’re willing to accept, whether your knowledge of this “bad player” is first-hand (gossip is bad!) and what your motive behind the warning might be.

If you have seen examples of behavior you (and a Community “as a whole” share the opinion) deem “bad play”, then you have a leg to stand on. If all you’ve got are rumors and gossip? Don’t spread it.

What is your motivation? Are you looking to score points? Revenge for some wrong? Or is it a genuine concern for a friend? Be careful with this one. Rationalization is a powerful agent – listen to your gut and be honest with yourself.

And are you honestly willing to accept the potential drama this may drop in your lap? It could came back and bite you in the ass. So be prepared to defend your actions and accept the consequences if the need arises.

What about the rest of you? Thoughts on this?

If every you have a question for us, call! It may even be featured on the DungeonPlace Fetishcast! 1.951.GOT.KINK (1.951.468.5465)

Caller’s Comment

Tags: , ,

This entry was posted on Monday, October 19th, 2009 at 10:27 amand is filed under BDSM, Choices, Featured. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
  • This is very tricky ground, and much discussed in the kink community. Besides the question of motivation there is also the issue of what constitutes unsafe. This recently came up locally because a Player was deemed to be predatory in their introduction practices at local munches. How much is too much? How far is too far? Who is the arbiter(s)?
  • Damn good points!

    Personally, I'm not one of the "safety police". I can do some insane things
    and I've seen some insane things that I wouldn't TOUCH. That said, about the
    only thing that would motivate me, personally, in this area is the one you
    brought up.

    Predators and Predatory players. Predators in any community are worthy of a
    swift, steel-toed boot to the ass!

    I commend the reader for giving a warning and leaving it at that - but yes,
    this is a really slippery slope.

    Thanks for the comment!

    Tutivillus
    ------------------------------
    Call Us! *951.GOT.KINK*
    Podcast: Episode 11 - Where Tutitivillus Angers the
    gods<http://www.dungeonplace.com/cast/dungeonplace_podcast-ep11.mp3>
    Web: www.dungeonplace.com
blog comments powered by Disqus