How to Thaw the Kink Freeze
Have you heard of "The Seattle Freeze"? The "Kink Freeze"? That cliquish lockout in the kink community where newcomers have to bang up hard against a wall of silence until they gain acceptance by their local community?
Sound familiar? Yes. It exists. Want to know how to thaw it? For experienced, vetted members of a community – take the time to reach out to the newcomers! Be welcoming, talk to them and listen to them. For newcomers, don't be shy. Participate in local munches, ask questions and introduce yourself! Don't be overbearing, you're new, you will need to earn a certain amount of trust. But it will certainly take less time if people know *who you are* than it will if you're just a face in the crowd. It really is that simple. Also, never be afraid and intimidated to ask someone to play, no matter who they are, what they look like or their stature. Be respectful, be confident! You will regret it if you have an opportunity but don't take it (trust me on this!) Voila!
i have to say i haven't experienced this in my local community … i am either lucky or my usual M O helps stop this from happening to me… example, i moved to an all mormon community when i first got to Utah, i had a few people say “watch out, “they” are not accepting of outsider non members” well i didn't act like an outsider, didn't sit back and expect to be prejudged and was just myself, never was treated like an outsider …. when i discovered the local “kink” community i emailed someone that appeared kind and open and approachable and was respectful and she responded and through her was fortunate enough to meet others… i am a firm believer that one is treated how they expect to be treated … ~shrugs~ so i would agree… quite simple.
Thanks for the comment!
That is exactly what the majority of people recommend when dealing with “The
Freeze”. Utah has developed a great outreach program to help people as well.
I'm glad you found someone to help you grow into the community!
i have to say i haven't experienced this in my local community … i am either lucky or my usual M O helps stop this from happening to me… example, i moved to an all mormon community when i first got to Utah, i had a few people say “watch out, “they” are not accepting of outsider non members” well i didn't act like an outsider, didn't sit back and expect to be prejudged and was just myself, never was treated like an outsider …. when i discovered the local “kink” community i emailed someone that appeared kind and open and approachable and was respectful and she responded and through her was fortunate enough to meet others… i am a firm believer that one is treated how they expect to be treated … ~shrugs~ so i would agree… quite simple.
Thanks for the comment!
That is exactly what the majority of people recommend when dealing with “The
Freeze”. Utah has developed a great outreach program to help people as well.
I'm glad you found someone to help you grow into the community!