Ok, so the title may prove a little misleading. While I know many of you will be thinking about how to coat the stem and use it for beating a play partner, that’s not my intent (this time).
Someone asked me recently if it was possible to Love within the BDSM community. Before saying “DUH!” (and using my best Homer Simpson-style expression) I actually put my brain into action and kept the mouth shut…for a brief moment. That’s because, of course it’s possible to love within the bounds of Alternative Lifestyles just as it is in any other relationship. Being in Love isn’t a Taboo despite what some may tell you. Love within BDSM is a wonderful thing. Sure, I can play without Love, but the associated trust, the extra intensity, the willingness to communicate more freely is SO much more fulfilling long term!
Do we need Love to explore, learn, grow and play with others as we explore our roles and Self expression through Kink? Nope, it’s not required at all, but there’s still a level of connection to your play partners which accompanies the energy exchange we experience. For a lot of people, that is simply enough. Then again, you may just find Someone(s) who is/are Special, and want to devote more time specifically to them; exploring each other’s desires, needs and bodies more fully. That won’t necessarily mean you have to give up other relationship dynamics though. Thats the beauty of Communication and trust. What do you each want? Are you going to be monogamous? Are you secure enough to allow your partner(s) play with others? Are you and you partner able to fulfill all your needs within your immediate relationship?
Which brings me nicely to another, rather important point. Some people may tell you that your current partner cannot get you to where you need/want to be. They may even suggest you leave them in order to achieve your full potential. While I can appreciate that is true on some levels, my inbuilt detector is charging for a cry of “BULLSHIT!!”. When someone, or maybe a group of someones, tell you that, ask them why. My guess is that you’ll get several answers but you’ll need to decide if they really do want you to grow and actually care about you (for example if your play partner is dangerously unskilled), or do they have more devious motives hidden under the guise of mentoring you ‘personally’ or I have a ‘friend’ who would be perfect to get you X-skill set/push your limits towards ‘improvement’. Ask yourself if they may actually be attempting to recruit you so they can just fuck your brains out without being the bad-guys who go behind your partners back. I understand, that while I may not be able to get a current partner/playmate “there” right now by myself, I know someone who can help Us achieve that! There is a huge difference between doing things within the relationship and negotiating to include others, versus having someone tear the relationship apart for their own goals under the premise of helping you achieve more.
I know within my relationships, past and present, that I haven’t always had the knowledge my partner needed, or wanted to explore. I’m still challenging myself and building skills and knowledge. What I have done is explore WITH my partners, so their needs are met at the same time as I build my skill sets and knowledge about aspects of Kink I may be currently weak on. That has always strengthened my relationships, and I remain on good terms with (almost all) past Lovers and play partners. It’s that very Love we share that has us wanting to help our partners develop and to provide for them. Providing for our partners is a very basic, almost primal need in our self. It also displays our commitment to our partners, no matter how many people are in the relationship.
So, can you Love a partner within the kink and alternative lifestyles? I say from personal experience, and with certainty, Abso-bloody-lutely!
GamerUK
