“Not many men are willing to break a woman” she said, taking a quick drag from her smoke. “I mean, they say they’re kinky, but when it comes right down to it, I want more…and they just can’t take me far enough.”
Pause. Sound of distant car slushing through a winter storm. More smoking, exhaling.
“Why is that?” She looked down the stairs to the driveway and the dark.
I had an answer for that question. It’s an answer I’ve had on a silver tray for a few years now.
“Men are programmed not to beat women, not to hurt them. That first real step towards becoming a Dom is realizing that you are going to hurt this woman and accepting the fact that you enjoy it just as much as she does.”
Violence, abuse, BDSM, sex, kink…these elements work in Lifestyle men like splinters. They conflict. They cause pain. They make us second guess and shy away from that dark edge. Every slap, each swing of a flogger works the splinter and twinges our senses. Start cutting a woman with a knife or shove the barrel of a gun into her pussy and the splinter becomes a stake.
I remember the moment I walked to that edge, looked over, closed my eyes and fell.
Turns out the edge was an illusion.
I did not become a serial rapist. I still crave vanilla sex. I’m not a serial killer…I’m nothing the preachers, counselors and parents warned us about.
I am a man — a Dom. I am also a loving father, partner and functional human being. Yes, I get off Dominating women (and men), but it is not the sole definition of my being.
We (men) need to realize this in our Lifestyle. You can lose yourself in a Scene without sacrificing your soul. You will come back and you will have echos.
Whenever I do a hard Scene with a female sub I do feel the splinters. I often see men and women observing the scene with tears or full sobs. Some have to leave. Others are fascinated — almost hypnotized by Scene violence.
When it’s over I need aftercare as much as my sub…but I get by giving. A few minutes later I want quiet time, then I move back into the social circle.
I feel alive, humbled and grateful. For a few minutes I became a mighty Titan. Now I am just the skin I see in a mirror every morning. The Edge empowered me and gave me new awareness…and showed me the way back to Self.
Now I know. I have known. I teach others and am taught. I’ve seen my “students” take up a flogger for that first time and swing…and I’ve seen them face to face with their partners afterwords…connected.
Be safe, be sane, be consensual. You will be frightened but you will come back knowing more than before you let yourself fall.
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Photo by DarlingEvil
-Tutivillus
