“Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism.”
~Carl Jung
There was a recent comment made on one my posts titled “TANSTAFL”. I was discussing the vagaries of sub-drop with some suggestions to combat the condition. Someone suggested that what I was describing sounded like addiction. They then proceeded to voice their opinion that BDSM was not a sexual preference, but a harmful addiction comparable to drug addiction. Now as a recovering alcoholic with over 22 years of continuous sobriety, I know a little bit about addiction and thus have a very strong opinion on this topic.
Addiction is a very personal thing and as individual as the person themselves. As AA has demonstrated over their long history there are true commonalities between addicts that define an addict as such. However, addiction is very much determined by the individuals inner subjective experience. Addiction can be defined as: “continued (compulsive) use despite adverse consequences.” What seperates a person who is alcoholic from those who are not? It is the ability to imbibe without those compulsive adverse consequences. It is not how, when or how much they drink but the loss of control when they do. It would be ludicrous to label everyone who drinks as being alcoholic. Only the individual can determine what determines adverse consequences, the lack of control and thus whether or not they are addicted. The object of the addiction in not the culprit in the addiction. It is not the shopping malls fault that the shopaholic maxes out their credit cards. The breweries and the wineries are not culpable in my inablity to drink responsibly. The blame for addiction lies within the heart and soul of the addict, not in the object of the addict’s obsession.
Healthy sex will arise out of a healthy mind. A person who is relatively free from compulsion, who identifies with the needs and wants of others will subsequently have a healthy sex life. A healthy sex life does not necessarily equate to straight hetero vanilla sex. A healthy sex life will be as unique as each individual. BDSM is a sexual preference as well as a sexual expression. When BDSM is practiced between two consenting, consensual adults it cannot only be healthy but one of the most intimate sexual experiences possible. I find for myself that the power exchange whether coupled with pain or not heightens the intimacy as well as the sexual experience. The BDSM community has often been applauded among sex therapists not only for the sexually intelligent practices within this community but also for the tremendous communication skills and the use of BDSM “scenes” for psychological healing. These practices cannot help but promote healthy sex, as wel as healthy relationships .
In recent years, there has been greater education amoung sex therapists. Most realize that BDSM and fetish practices are a normal expressions of sexuality. The DSM-IV (Diagnositic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) no longer lists BDSM as a disorder or illness. In 1995, Denmark completely removed sadomasochism from its national classification of diseases. The vast majority of researchers assume that 5 to 25 percent of the population enjoys some form of pain, dominance or submission. They believe that the percentage who indulge in fantasies of BDSM to be even higher.
It is very clear to me not only from a personal level but also on an intellectual level that BDSM is not an addiction but a sexual preference. To equate BDSM to addiction or to label it “evil” is about as enlightened as those who classify homosexuality as “evil” and addicting. It my humble opinion that the moral upright, the sexually rigid and religious fanatical focus on their own bedrooms and stay the hell out of mine.
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